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Key Elements by: Michael Holmes, R.N. Copyright 1999 & revised in 2004, all rights reserved |
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Key Elements by: Michael Holmes, R.N. Copyright 1999 & revised in 2004, all rights reserved |
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Key Elements Of Transitions
This book explores how we think about the concept of death every day... below the surface... and how our thinking patterns affect the way we actually experience it. These sub-surface thinking patterns can be changed of course, but only after they are brought to the surface and recognized.
To change our thinking patterns we must first become aware of what they are... and therein lies the magic of awareness.
Safe passages are made possible through awareness.
Excerpts from
Key Elements Of Transitions
Scroll down through the Chapters & Keys or just click on one from the list below to go there. Click "Back" to return here.
Chapter 1
Definition of Death
Here is another interesting clue into what goes on in our heads. Nearly every day on the news we are informed of some so-called "scientific study" having to do with how this or that has been found to contribute to the mortality rate. Here are a few examples...
Weight Loss May Hike Elderly Women’s Risk Of Dying." (Source: Reuters Health News.)
Now think about that for a minute. This is junk science at its best. It would be hard to imagine a dumber statement. The mortality rate for human beings on planet earth is 100%, it never varies one iota. Your risk of dying, my risk of dying, everyone's risk of dying is absolute. This statement is shear nonsense... yet we hear something very like it nearly every day and never give it a second thought. We simply accept it.
Chapter 2
My Definition of Death
Working with dying people has added an invaluable source of data to my personal investigation into the meaning and nature of death. Instead of relying on just science and religion I have observed and collected data directly from the proverbial horse's mouth; dying people themselves. For me, this has helped clear up much of the confusion stirred up by disagreements between science and religion.
Those who care for the dying observe individuals trying desperately to solve the mysteries of the Universe in a few weeks or days. This is a staggering chore, especially when one considers that human beings have failed to reach agreement on this issue over the course of many thousands of years. Yet as individuals we each make the attempt in the few days immediately prior to our personal death... which strikes me as a good example of bad planning.
Chapter 3
Life After Death?
Being aware and making choices gives us dominion over our lives. Being unaware means that we have no choices; life just sort of happens to us by accident and we are obliged to take whatever we get. When we become aware of who we are, life is wondrous and we are captains of our own ship. When we remain ignorant of who we are, shit happens and then we die.
Chapter 4
The Seven Keys
Every stage of life is unique and is preparatory for the next stage. For example, one could not reasonably expect to do well in adulthood while operating with the attitudes and relying on the understanding of an adolescent. Some try, but I think we can safely agree that the results are less than optimal.
Key 1
Relationships
Whenever we experience a major change in life there is a concomitant urge to examine our relationships. Indeed, in times of transition, our relationships and the nature of those relationships immediately takes center stage.
Key 2
Self Awareness
After a person is told they are "terminal," they will more than likely ponder the same or similar questions they have already faced in previous transitions. What did I do that got me to this point? What is it about me that created this dilemma? Is my death my fault? Do I have some fatal flaw? Did I screw up? Do I deserve this? Am I ready for this? Can I cope? What if I fail? Is dying a failure? What will people think? What constitutes success in dying? Is there such a thing as a "good" or "successful" death? How will my family cope? Will they be strengthened or fall apart? Will my spouse be able to cope? Will my spouse remarry? Either way, what would that mean to me?
Key 3
Evaluation/Judgment
The first two key elements lead naturally into the third. This element involves the evaluation of self and others. Evaluation and judgment are learned skills and everyone develops their own style.
Key 4
Emotional Barriers
Emotions play a key role in learning. Since transitions are learning processes, then they must necessarily involve emotion. A wide range of emotions may manifest during the course of a transition, but since transitions alter our definition of "me", fear is always involved.
Key 5
Acceptance/Forgiveness
When true Acceptance is reached, the individual’s focus shifts more towards where they are going and less upon where they have been. They may slip around, forwards and backwards (just as people do in the grief process) but on the whole, after a person has arrived at true acceptance they are beginning to look forward to what lies ahead.
Key 6
Choice/Surrender
There comes a time in every transition where one is presented with the option of exercising choice.
Key 7
Transformation
When we experience a true transformation we are the same person, except for one little thing, we are a different person.
